A Mother's Dilemma

WARNING: Full-Text Ahead! I just have to vent out my anger. Sorry guys. :(

I was crying so hard in the car this morning while my husband sends me to the shuttle's terminal, it's because I feel so bad and sad. When I got home last night from work, my cousin was crying while telling me that my younger daughter had so many rashes earlier. (I was touched actually kasi I felt her love for my daughter. Thanks, Shiella!) She said they noticed it when my daughter woke up from her afternoon nap. The rashes spread on her two inner arms and on both cheeks. Talaga daw nag panic sila kasi sobrang mapula. I asked them where did they put her to sleep and told me that she was on her crib. So I assumed it must be because of alikabok. I am super sensitive din kasi sa alikabok so she must have the allergy like me. I let it passed. I told them it's ok and they just have to make sure na mapunasan ng mabuti yung crib and ibang gamit ni Baby. Akala ko OK na. Come evening, when I was about to make her milk, I noticed that the upper portion of the bottle's nipples were not that clean. As in merong visible na natuyong mga milk. Nagalit na talaga ako sa yaya. (Lagi ko naman kasing binibilin 'yun, as in EVERYDAY na lang). So I slept with a heavy heart talaga. And to make it even worse, palabas na lang ako ng bahay this morning when I noticed mga small kalmot sa ulo ni Baby. Mga 3-4 na sugat 'yun. Maliliit lang naman. My daughter must have scratched it. Pero it could have been avoided kung may malasakit sila sa bata. Actually, kaming mag asawa naman talaga ang nagpuputol ng kuko nila. Pero kung sana may malasakit sila or may initiative man lang sana sila. Syempre madami rin kaming iniisip mag asawa at marami rin kaming iniintindi na minsan nakakalimutan rin namin yung mga maliliit na bagay. I know I know. I was actually blaming myself this morning kaya I was super crying. Feeling ko napapabayaan ko na mga anak ko.
:(

Pero hindi ko naman sila pinapabayaan eh. :(

Naiintindihan ba nila yung sakit na nararamdaman ko everytime I come home from work and see my  kids in a bad state (may sakit, may bagong sugat, may bagong kagat ng lamok). Hindi ba nila alam na ayaw nga natin padapuan sa langaw at lamok ang mga bata tapos hahayaan lang nilang makagat? Kaya nga mamahalin na panligo ang ginagamit sa mga bata para maganda yung kutis nila tapos ganun lang? Si lamok ba ang dapat kong sisihin? Paulit ulit naman ako na dapat laging malinis ang bahay. Ako na nga minsan ang naglilinis at nagpupunas at naglalaba ng ibang gamit ng mga bata para hindi na sila mahirapan. I hired two kasambahays, the house must be very clean kasi maliit lang naman bahay namin. Plus, our cousin is also staying with us. Mas madalas pa nga na yung pinsan ko ang may hawak kay Baby. Ano kaya ang ginagawa nilang dalawa sa bahay? Kasalanan ko ba kasi pinili kong maging working mom? I chose to work para matulungan ko ang asawa ko na mabigyan ng magandang buhay ang mga anak namin. Yun naman talaga ang dahilan nating mga working moms, right? Alam ba nilang habang nasa trabaho ako, yung kalahati ng isip ko laging nasa kanila? Kumain na kaya sila? Nakauwi na ba sila from school? Nakakain kaya ng maayos si Baby? Alam ba nila yung feeling na naiinis ka sa traffic kasi gusto mo nang makauwi ng maaga para makalaro pa yung mga bata? Hayyy naku. Syempre hindi nila alam yun. Kasi kung alam nila, sana may malasakit sila. :(

I'll talk to them tonight. Sana maintindihan naman nila ako.